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ealgyldenEvery once in a while, you'll be reading along in an otherwise harmless story, doop de doop, when all of a sudden you hit a phrase that's so appalling, so ill-considered, so just plain icky, that you need to just back away from the computer for a minute, until you've finished repressing and/or laughing. From what I've seen around LJ and lists and boards, and from my own experience, these roadkill phrases tend to be things like "pulsating elfhood," "obsidian orbs," and a wide variety of weeping body parts (though rarely are said parts eyes. Oops, I mean, "orbs"). I've more or less built up a resistance to the majority of these over the years; I might roll my eyes (and probably will), but it takes something special to make me really shudder these days.
Something like, say, the image of a martini coming complete with maraschino cherries and a little umbrella. Dear. God.
Why would anyone do that to a poor, innocent martini? Cherries? Umbrellas?! The martini is a noble drink, with a long and olive-filled history! It was the staple of the executive lunch in the days when grey-suited businessmen lingered over their steaks discussing the Anderson account, before heading home to their unfulfilled wives and their children named Chip and Princess. It was the elixir over which the society detective seduced the sozzled socialite into revealing just why she was being blackmailed. It's as much a part of James Bond's arsenal as his Walther PPK. It does not come with an umbrella.
I knew that that trend of unsettlingly colorful drinks that aren't actually martinis but are served in martini glasses was going to end badly. I just didn't figure it would do so in fic. Damn you, Carrie Bradshaw. Damn you to frou-frou drink hell.
And nicked from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
carmarthen and carolinecrane respectively,
Your match is Traditional!Norrington, the
Norrington that stays true to canon. He
understands that Elizabeth loves another, and
dutifully accepts his loss. Many call him
boring, but the real question is, what happens
when that wig comes off?
Who's your Commodore Norrington Match?
brought to you by Quizilla
Yeah, I figured. I do love the classics (like martinis with no cherries in them! Ack!). Funny quiz, too- I was tempted to cheat just for the variety.
Huh, 52% Feminine vs. 48% Masculine. Well, aren't I the balanced one.
Something like, say, the image of a martini coming complete with maraschino cherries and a little umbrella. Dear. God.
Why would anyone do that to a poor, innocent martini? Cherries? Umbrellas?! The martini is a noble drink, with a long and olive-filled history! It was the staple of the executive lunch in the days when grey-suited businessmen lingered over their steaks discussing the Anderson account, before heading home to their unfulfilled wives and their children named Chip and Princess. It was the elixir over which the society detective seduced the sozzled socialite into revealing just why she was being blackmailed. It's as much a part of James Bond's arsenal as his Walther PPK. It does not come with an umbrella.
I knew that that trend of unsettlingly colorful drinks that aren't actually martinis but are served in martini glasses was going to end badly. I just didn't figure it would do so in fic. Damn you, Carrie Bradshaw. Damn you to frou-frou drink hell.
And nicked from
carmarthen and carolinecrane respectively, Your match is Traditional!Norrington, the
Norrington that stays true to canon. He
understands that Elizabeth loves another, and
dutifully accepts his loss. Many call him
boring, but the real question is, what happens
when that wig comes off?
Who's your Commodore Norrington Match?
brought to you by Quizilla
Yeah, I figured. I do love the classics (like martinis with no cherries in them! Ack!). Funny quiz, too- I was tempted to cheat just for the variety.
Huh, 52% Feminine vs. 48% Masculine. Well, aren't I the balanced one.
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Re: Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crap.
Date: 2003-09-17 01:40 am (UTC)Most of the DS slash I read tended to conveniently forget that Dief even existed. Which was rather sad, but when one considers what horrible things badfic authors could have done, perhaps it's for the best.
Re: Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crap.
Date: 2003-09-17 03:56 am (UTC)Re: Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crap.
Date: 2003-09-17 09:03 am (UTC)It's been a few years, but I vaguely remember coming across "glossy pelt" or some variant thereof used in regards to Fraser's hair.
One of the fandoms most plagued with pulsating purple prose is Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. If I had a dime for every time I read a description of young Obi-Wan that waxed poetic about his perfect alabaster skin, delicate hands and glittering jade eyes....
Of cus, this is providing the author didn't fall into the sapphire eyes crowd. No-one could decide if the poor thing had blue eyes and blond hair or green eyes and red hair. But they all agreed he had delicate bones, porcelain skin and an annoying tendency to burst into tears at the drop of a hat. Which always baffled me as the guy in the movie I saw was toned, tanned and ready to kick some Sith ass.
Re: Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crap.
Date: 2003-09-17 10:45 pm (UTC)Hm, me too. I sort of thought Jedi were inclined to be tough, or at least vaguely competent, but I guess we watched it wrong. Must need new Blair-goggles or something.
(Poor Blair. Through no fault of his own, he's become my shorthand for "weepy girly-man character". It hardly seems fair, especially when I could pick on Ezra or Daniel Jackson just as easily. Darn badficcers.)