Title and fandom withheld to protect the tastebud-deprived author...

[ealgylden]

Every once in a while, you'll be reading along in an otherwise harmless story, doop de doop, when all of a sudden you hit a phrase that's so appalling, so ill-considered, so just plain icky, that you need to just back away from the computer for a minute, until you've finished repressing and/or laughing. From what I've seen around LJ and lists and boards, and from my own experience, these roadkill phrases tend to be things like "pulsating elfhood," "obsidian orbs," and a wide variety of weeping body parts (though rarely are said parts eyes. Oops, I mean, "orbs"). I've more or less built up a resistance to the majority of these over the years; I might roll my eyes (and probably will), but it takes something special to make me really shudder these days.

Something like, say, the image of a martini coming complete with maraschino cherries and a little umbrella. Dear. God.

Why would anyone do that to a poor, innocent martini? Cherries? Umbrellas?! The martini is a noble drink, with a long and olive-filled history! It was the staple of the executive lunch in the days when grey-suited businessmen lingered over their steaks discussing the Anderson account, before heading home to their unfulfilled wives and their children named Chip and Princess. It was the elixir over which the society detective seduced the sozzled socialite into revealing just why she was being blackmailed. It's as much a part of James Bond's arsenal as his Walther PPK. It does not come with an umbrella.

I knew that that trend of unsettlingly colorful drinks that aren't actually martinis but are served in martini glasses was going to end badly. I just didn't figure it would do so in fic. Damn you, Carrie Bradshaw. Damn you to frou-frou drink hell.

And nicked from carmarthen and carolinecrane respectively,


Your match is Traditional!Norrington, the
Norrington that stays true to canon. He
understands that Elizabeth loves another, and
dutifully accepts his loss. Many call him
boring, but the real question is, what happens
when that wig comes off?


Who's your Commodore Norrington Match?
brought to you by Quizilla


Yeah, I figured. I do love the classics (like martinis with no cherries in them! Ack!). Funny quiz, too- I was tempted to cheat just for the variety.

My journal says I'm 52% feminine.

What does your LJ writing style say about your gender?

LJ Gender Tool by hutta

Huh, 52% Feminine vs. 48% Masculine. Well, aren't I the balanced one.

Comments

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

the image of a martini coming complete with maraschino cherries and a little umbrella. Dear. God.

*chokes*

That is just so. wrong.

And you're the first person I've seen who's come up feminine on that quiz. What's your secret? *g*

[ealgylden.livejournal.com]

My current theory is that the author is a thirteen-year-old orphan being raised in a very isolated convent school in Burgundy, and she only knows of the martini as a topic of whispered conversations held after Lights Out about that wonderful land of America where everyone is a cowboy or a movie star. I haven't figured out how or why this kid is writing fanfic yet, but I'm sure something will come to me. ;)

And you're the first person I've seen who's come up feminine on that quiz. What's your secret? *g*

Heh, I noticed that. Weird. Maybe I talk about my cats too much?