"I cannot lift this!" "Grow stronger."

[ealgylden]

Woman cannot live on pirate movies alone (though she can certainly try, she thought as she studied the movie schedule for next week).

With that in mind, but still stuck in PotC mode, I hied myself to the local Bucket O'Videos and stocked up on The Gypsy Films of Johnny Depp (Chocolat and The Man Who Cried), a movie that, like PotC, shouldn't have worked but did (A Knight's Tale), a pirate movie because I have no willpower (Swashbuckler), and The 13th Warrior. Chocolat and Knight's Tale weren't new to me, but they're happy-fun movies that it would probably be cheaper for me to buy at this point. The Man Who Cried was very Sally Potter, but Cate Blanchett was good as always and Johnny Depp was beeeeeeooootiful. He certainly does make a gorgeous, sexy Gypsy. Nice horses, too. Swashbuckler was dated and silly, but fun. Young, skinny pirate James Earl Jones and young, very tall, knife-throwing, possibly-a-pirate (it's never that clear) Geoffrey Holder are nearly the only characters worth watching, but there's also a pair of slashily married pirates who are so the ancestors of Pintel and Ragetti. Oh, and an extremely young (and thin, and surprisingly cute) Beau Bridges in the Norrington role, only less competent and more twitchy. So that was all good. And then there was The 13th Warrior.

It really is deeply bizarre that I'd never seen The 13th Warrior before. I mean, just look at it: a Jerry Goldsmith-scored pseudo-epic about Vikings, heavily Beowulf-flavored (loosely based on, with a few direct quotes, even), full of big, fierce, attractive warrior-types, and topped with Antonio Banderas in eyeliner and chainmail. It's rather like some film execs sat down in a trendy bistro and said, "You know, that Joan's a good kid. She's given us an awful lot of money over the years, and she's pretty forgiving of movies' flaws, as long as she's not bored. So let's make her one, okay?" And then they went and made The 13th Warrior.

And somehow I trala'd along in ignorance of this fact- I always meant to see it, but the stars just never aligned. Oh well. Now I know better, and now I need to buy it.

Antonio is gorgeous, as always, though he sounds very Spanish for a poet from Baghdad. He looks quite small and slender next to all the big, brawny Vikings, and the contrast is pretty amusing (and the eyeliner is a nice touch). He does a good job with the various "eek!" and "ew!" and "help!" expressions that Ahmad (unsurprisingly) wears throughout much of his adventures, and his transformation into Fierce(ish) Warrior Guy was not overdone. Vladimir Kulich was nicely Beowulfian. It was a pleasant change to see him not wearing fifty layers of latex for once, and now I have the urge to dig up his episode of X-Files, which I've always liked. All of the Vikings were great (Tony Curran, the Invisible Man from The League of Copyright-Expired Characters, is one of the cuter ones), but Herger (Dennis Storhoi) was completely adorable, in that shaggy, violent, funny, fatalistic, Viking way I always go for. Can I have him for my birthday? I promise I'll take good care of him, and I won't even break him. Please?

And it's fic-able, thanks to the inherent slashiness of warrior bonds between men, huzzah. Ahmad does have a girl, sort of, but since she looks like the female version of Herger and she has about seven minutes of screen time, that's not really a problem. So naturally I spent some time hunting for fic and came up with a grand total of... seven stories, one not finished. Oh well. It's better than nothing, anyway.

So the moral of the story is that The 13th Warrior is cheesy but terribly fun, and anyway, beggars can't be choosers when it comes to Viking movies. The other option is what, Kirk Douglas and Tony Curtis as the sons of Ernest Borgnine? Yeah, I think I'll stick with Dennis Storhoi, thanks.

Oh, and look at the shiny new icon castalianspring made me! So, so true. And so making me want to see PotC again. No willpower a'tall, not a whit. Eh, I should just enjoy this fannish/movie-crush while it lasts. What's summer without an infatuation?

Comments

[castalianspring.livejournal.com]

Nice collection of rental movies, there. Isn't 13th Warrior fabulous? Herger is a cutie, and I like the redheaded viking as well. Great epic. Too bad about the lack of fic.

Oh, and look at the shiny new icon castalianspring made me! So, so true. And so making me want to see PotC again. No willpower a'tall, not a whit. Eh, I should just enjoy this fannish/movie-crush while it lasts. What's summer without an infatuation?

Glad you like it :) And yes, enjoy the infatuation! This is most fun summer crush I've had in ages :)

[ealgylden.livejournal.com]

My poor video store guy always tries to pick out the theme of what I'm renting, and he can never quite get it. And I wasn't about to tell him that this time the theme was "I want to see Pirate Johnny Depp again!"- he thinks I'm nuts as it is.

Isn't 13th Warrior fabulous?

It so is! I'm kicking myself for missing it on the big screen- I know I had planned to see it, but I forget why I didn't. I mean, Antonio and Vikings- I can't imagine what my excuse could possibly have been. I was dying? My house blew up? The earth fell into the sun? I don't remember that happening, but it must have.

One of the redheaded Vikings (Weath, the funny redhead) was Tony Curran, who I've apparently seen in other stuff (like Gladiator and Touching Evil) but don't remember. He's a cutie- too bad he's invisible in The League... (not that I was in a hurry to see that anyway). I'm not sure who played other redhead (the one with the tattoos on his face), since I never caught the character's name. Too bad, I liked him too. He's no Herger, of course, but he was still cool. *g*

It is too bad about the lack of fic, since I think the movie has such potential. Maybe Vikings are too... shaggy? I know that in LotR world, the amount of fic about Eomer and the Rohirrim is minuscule compared to fic about the elves, unfortunately (though at least I still have Boromir and his people to read about). Still, I shouldn't complain- I went hunting for Moby Dick fic the other day, and found all of one story (and finding even that one was a surprise). So it could be worse.

This is most fun summer crush I've had in ages

Hee! Yeah, I think I'll stop feeling vaguely guilty and just go with it. Matinees are cheap, and the ships look nicer on the big screen anyway. And it's fun to watch everyone get so swept up in pirate-fever. Not that I can say anything about that...

[castalianspring.livejournal.com]

Theme movie renting! I may have to try that.

I'm kicking myself for missing it on the big screen- I know I had planned to see it, but I forget why I didn't.

I wish I'd seen it on the big screen. I doubt we ever even *had* it in theatres where I live, though. I got lucky when a friend suggested we rent it (smart guy, good choice :)

It's hard to catch all the names of the Vikings, so I don't remember who's who. I didn't even catch that one of the vikings was in League.

Shaggy? Hm, I can see how that might be a factor, although I think it's a silly one. I thought everyone liked vikings! I think it's our own faults for choosing such rare fandoms ;)

Hee! Yeah, I think I'll stop feeling vaguely guilty and just go with it. Matinees are cheap, and the ships look nicer on the big screen anyway.

Good point! The ships *do* look so impressive on a big screen. I can't wait til it moves to the $1.00 theatre and I can see it as many times as I want *g*

[viva-gloria.livejournal.com]

What I loved most about The 13th Warrior was the scene where Ahmad is learning their language: the way that first single words, then phrases, come out of the meaningless noise. It's such a wonderful visualisation of the mental process.

And, yes, the eyeliner. Mmmmm. And those warrior bonds, oh dear me yes. Saw it with a good gay friend who recommended it with a wink. I believe he has a Banderas-fetish too.

[ealgylden.livejournal.com]

What I loved most about The 13th Warrior was the scene where Ahmad is learning their language: the way that first single words, then phrases, come out of the meaningless noise. It's such a wonderful visualisation of the mental process.

I really loved that scene. It makes sense that a poet would have a facility for languages, but it would have annoyed me if he'd been visited by the Instantly Fluent Fairy, as sometimes seems to happen in the movies. This way we got to see a bit of Ahmad's character (his determination, his intelligence, and so on), we got to see the Vikings "at play," so to speak (also nice from a character perspective), and we got a little hint of the passage of time as they traveled, something that movies often don't bother with. Really a great scene, and better than I had expected from the movie. In fact, I think that was the point where I moved from "hey, this is good" to "whee! this is great!"

Besides, I'm a sucker for those warrior bonds (thank you, Gondorians- and Rohirrim-obsession) and men in eyeliner. And Antonio- my addiction to him is almost as long-standing as my addiction to Johnny Depp, thanks to his Almodovar films. Any month that includes movies with both of them wearing eyeliner and carrying swords is a good one.

[kirby-crow.livejournal.com]

but Herger (Dennis Storhoi) was completely adorable, in that shaggy, violent, funny, fatalistic, Viking way I always go for.

Herger. *thud* The name's supposed to mean joyous and GOD that grin! :) The kind of Viking who would poke Death in the eye and moon him before going along with the "oh fine, I'm dead" thing.

Want Herger. Want Herger and Ahmad together. Must look for more 13th Warrior slash.

Can I have him for my birthday? I promise I'll take good care of him, and I won't even break him. Please?

I think Herger's the type who might want to come home slightly broken after a good weekend. :) Polish those cuffs!

[ealgylden.livejournal.com]

The kind of Viking who would poke Death in the eye and moon him before going along with the "oh fine, I'm dead" thing.

That's it exactly! I love that! The looks and the hair (the hair) are just icing on the already fabulous cake (though tasty icing indeed).

Want Herger. Want Herger and Ahmad together. Must look for more 13th Warrior slash.

Dude, you know I agree completely. It seems like such a natural to me, but there's so little fic out there. What a waste. I almost wish I had any sort of fiction-writing talent. Anyway, here are all the stories (http://www.livejournal.com/users/ealgylden/31225.html#cutid1) I found, good or not. I had had that entry privacy-locked, figuring no one would care, but there you go. "The Language of Kings" is Ahmad/Buliwyf, but the others are Ahmad/Herger. If you find any others, please let me know.

I think Herger's the type who might want to come home slightly broken after a good weekend. :) Polish those cuffs!

Heeeeeee! Now there's a fun thought. Mmm hmm.