Title and fandom withheld to protect the tastebud-deprived author...

Every once in a while, you'll be reading along in an otherwise harmless story, doop de doop, when all of a sudden you hit a phrase that's so appalling, so ill-considered, so just plain icky, that you need to just back away from the computer for a minute, until you've finished repressing and/or laughing. From what I've seen around LJ and lists and boards, and from my own experience, these roadkill phrases tend to be things like "pulsating elfhood," "obsidian orbs," and a wide variety of weeping body parts (though rarely are said parts eyes. Oops, I mean, "orbs"). I've more or less built up a resistance to the majority of these over the years; I might roll my eyes (and probably will), but it takes something special to make me really shudder these days.

Something like, say, the image of a martini coming complete with maraschino cherries and a little umbrella. Dear. God.

Why would anyone do that to a poor, innocent martini? Cherries? Umbrellas?! The martini is a noble drink, with a long and olive-filled history! It was the staple of the executive lunch in the days when grey-suited businessmen lingered over their steaks discussing the Anderson account, before heading home to their unfulfilled wives and their children named Chip and Princess. It was the elixir over which the society detective seduced the sozzled socialite into revealing just why she was being blackmailed. It's as much a part of James Bond's arsenal as his Walther PPK. It does not come with an umbrella.

I knew that that trend of unsettlingly colorful drinks that aren't actually martinis but are served in martini glasses was going to end badly. I just didn't figure it would do so in fic. Damn you, Carrie Bradshaw. Damn you to frou-frou drink hell.

And nicked from carmarthen and carolinecrane respectively, ( a couple of quizzes )

Been mauling. Wait, no, malling.

Today I traipsed merrily off to see Once Upon a Time in Mexico (Antonio! Johnny! Salma! Eeee, too much Pretty at once! I don't care if it's incoherent- Rodriguez's films tend to be, and I love 'em anyway). But then I decided to watch it on Saturday and bought a hundred bucks worth of shower gel and magazines instead. Somehow that's a logical decision to my brain. Yeah, I don't get it either.

But a couple of heads-ups: the October issue of Military History (which I didn't buy, amazingly) has a cover story on T.E. Lawrence- it looked like pretty standard stuff with a few nice (though not really new) pictures. Oh hey, it's online. That's handy. Well, I'll read that later, I guess.

The July/August issue of Creative Screenwriting (it's a bimonthly, but it often shows up well into the second month) has an interview with Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott, the screenwriting team behind Pirates of the Caribbean (among others). It's about four pages long and looks pretty interesting. From Ted Elliott: "Hopefully, the final resolution of the story is our point of view about the whole thing, which is 'Don't fall in love with the romantic illusion; find the romantic reality.'" Aw. I like these guys.

The July issue of Film Score Monthly (it's not bimonthly or anything; it's just late a lot) is "The Pirate Issue," and has an article on Klaus Badelt for Pirates of the Caribbean, one on Harry Gregson-Williams for Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (both Badelt and Gregson-Williams are part of Hans Zimmer's Media Ventures group, incidentally), and a mini-article on eleven recommended pirate movie scores. It also has a review of the limited Dark Crystal release that I was swooning over back in June (four-and-a-half stars out of five, with only minute reservations). Interesting stuff, though Badelt sounds a mite flaky and Bruckheimer like a bit of a jerk. Shocker, I know.

If anyone's interested in the PotC stuff and can't find Creative Screenwriting or FSM, I'm always happy to transcribe. Just let me know. (I should probably get a new scanner, yes, but you know that if I did it would probably end up keeping the DVD player company in "Not-Hooked-Up-Land" for ages. Typing I can do).

And just because I thought it was fun: the Top Eleven Strangest Star Wars Action Figures. I wish Toy Biz would take a lesson from Kenner and make some really minor characters into AFs (at their normal high standards, of course). Like Faramir's loyal, dour lieutenant (whose name escapes me right now). Or some of those grumpy-looking Men at the Council of Rivendell. Or some wee little hobbit moppets. Or Gil-Galad. That would be very cool.