I <3 your post (though we never had Jarts - I may have predated them). And I love your joke. Here is my (somewhat long and much better told aloud, so I can do the prissy nun voices, and grumpy Gardener Michael, too) contribution to your monastic humor file.
Sister Mary bustles into Mother Superior's office, bristling with indignation. Mother Superior calms her and has her sit down, then asks her what's wrong.
Sister Mary, still upset, says, "It's Gardener Michael. He's spreading new grass seed, and he's using profanity with the birds."
"There, there," says Mother Superior. "Compose yourself in prayer, and I'll go talk to Gardener Michael."
Mother Superior leaves the office and glides serenely outside, where she sees Gardener Michael at the far end of the lawn, waving his hands furiously at the birds and shouting something she can't make out. As she gets closer, she can see that he's spreading grass seed, then waving off the foraging birds, shouting, "Fuck off, birds! Fuck off!"
As she approaches, he falls silent. "Gardener Michael," she says sweetly, "Sister Mary has come to me very upset, because you're swearing at the birds."
"I'm sorry, Sister," says Gardener Michael. "But these birds is tryin' to eat my grass seed, and if you nuns want a lawn, I have to make them go away."
"I understand," says Mother Superior, her tone calm, reasonable and sweet. "But you must understand that we are all God's creatures, put here to share the earth together. You must treat the birds with kindness. You simply say to them, 'Shoo, birds, shoo' - and they'll fuck off."
no subject
Sister Mary bustles into Mother Superior's office, bristling with indignation. Mother Superior calms her and has her sit down, then asks her what's wrong.
Sister Mary, still upset, says, "It's Gardener Michael. He's spreading new grass seed, and he's using profanity with the birds."
"There, there," says Mother Superior. "Compose yourself in prayer, and I'll go talk to Gardener Michael."
Mother Superior leaves the office and glides serenely outside, where she sees Gardener Michael at the far end of the lawn, waving his hands furiously at the birds and shouting something she can't make out. As she gets closer, she can see that he's spreading grass seed, then waving off the foraging birds, shouting, "Fuck off, birds! Fuck off!"
As she approaches, he falls silent. "Gardener Michael," she says sweetly, "Sister Mary has come to me very upset, because you're swearing at the birds."
"I'm sorry, Sister," says Gardener Michael. "But these birds is tryin' to eat my grass seed, and if you nuns want a lawn, I have to make them go away."
"I understand," says Mother Superior, her tone calm, reasonable and sweet. "But you must understand that we are all God's creatures, put here to share the earth together. You must treat the birds with kindness. You simply say to them, 'Shoo, birds, shoo' - and they'll fuck off."