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ealgyldenSo far this summer is not rating as one of my most productive. Actually, it's involved rather less productivity than lying around in a melted puddle, surrounded by melted puddles of cat, feeling sorry for myself. Occasionally the cats and I will look at each other and whimper. It's all rather pitiful, really.
I'm not even able to do nothing effectively. 'Tis the season for big, shiny, stupidly fun movies, and I've seen nary a one. No Star Wars, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, no Batman, no War of the Worlds... well, I'm okay with missing War of the Worlds. I love the book, I'm fond of the '50's movie, and the radio show scared the bejeezus out of me when I heard it as a kid (seriously, I had nightmares for a week). But the ads and previews for the new one have left me cold. A lot of the problem is Tom Cruise. I'm not a fan and never have been, even when he was sane (or at least quiet). There's nothing about his acting abilities, such as they are, that has ever impressed or enticed me. If the aliens got him, well, maybe I'd go see it. But no. I'm sure some supporting HItG!s who I might actually like die instead, and Tom and his shiny, shiny teeth and his "adorable" daughter live not-disintegratedly ever after, wiser and tougher for their experience (despite the fact that they have now moved from an Alien Invasion flick to a Post-Apocalypse one, and that rarely goes well). Meh. No thanks.
Still, there's one tagline for WotW that's been driving me nuts. I feel so geeky, but hey. It bugs me. Anyway, blah blah commercial blah blah kaboom! blah blah "look right, Tom! Now... look left! Good boy!" blah blah blah, and then we get the tagline: "We always thought they would come in peace. We were wrong." Wait, what? What's with the "always" stuff? Is Spielberg hoping that the audience has never seen another science fiction flick? I'm not going to sit down and count or anything (not that geeky, thanks), but I can think of a lot more "aiiieeee, aliens!" movies than "ahhhh, aliens," ones. Think about it. We've been invaded by Mars and by body snatchers, discovered (messily) a Thing from another world, faced down the Saucer Men, seen the signs, lost and gained our Independence Day, learned that "V" doesn't necessarily mean "Victory," almost had this island Earth blown out from under us, been eaten by Blobs and Predators, found that spheres and species are less benign than they sound, been controlled by the Puppet Masters, learned where the weak spot is on the Brain from Planet Arous (the Fissure of Rolando, of course), and found that space is always ready drown us in monsters, teenagers, bloodsuckers, killer klowns and plans, 9 or otherwise. We're not even safe from hostile invasion by plants, what with Audrey and the Triffids and the meteorite moss from that ate Stephen King landing on our doorsteps. If we are gullible enough to believe the aliens' pitch about intergalactic amity and brotherhood, well, surprise! It's a cookbook! And even if the movie itself should decide that "they come in peace," there's nothing saying that the characters within said movie will agree, and won't show up with pitchforks and torches, or tanks and howitzers, or whatever. Harmless little ET was chased with rifles and police cars and those freaking terrifying clean suits (no scars here, no sir). The aliens in Contact didn't dare come visit us themselves; they sent construction plans and some duct tape, and were met with politicians, preachers and pyromaniacs. And it's a good thing Helen Benson had better luck remembering "Klaatu barada nikto" than Ash did, or an already hopelessly mangled peaceful mission would have ended even more abruptly for Earth.
Anyway, my point is, we haven't "always thought they would come in peace," at least not in the movies or on TV. Not even close. It's much more flashy if "they come in vast armadas with big laser cannons and a hunger for the flesh of plump babies." And it's not like the audience doesn't know that. Give us some credit, guys. What a dumb tagline.
Wow. Am I really at the point where I spend more time complaining about the ads for the current releases than I do watching the movies? That's so sad.
I am watching Empire, at least. It ties back to that "big, shiny, stupidly fun" thing I mentioned, only with no annoying crush of smelly humanity to deal with. And the gladiator dude is most attractive indeed. He should just forget about his family and his duty and the Republic, pack up the boytoy, er, Octavius, and retire to Spain. I'd watch that (not that. Well okay, that too). And at least this week the sound and the picture were in synch. Last week, not so much; the sound was about 45 seconds behind the picture for the whole two hours. Nice going, Channel 50. It pretty much wrecked any potential drama, though I still enjoyed the show. It just switched any "Beware the Ides of March!" vibe for a "General Takamoto, the creature is attacking!" one. It's not as if it could make it any more cheesy. Maybe Cassius could threaten to throw that Vestal Virgin into Mt. Etna or something, though he is sadly lacking a big black moustache to twirl. That might squeeze in a bit more cheese. Maybe. Probably not.
I'm not even able to do nothing effectively. 'Tis the season for big, shiny, stupidly fun movies, and I've seen nary a one. No Star Wars, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, no Batman, no War of the Worlds... well, I'm okay with missing War of the Worlds. I love the book, I'm fond of the '50's movie, and the radio show scared the bejeezus out of me when I heard it as a kid (seriously, I had nightmares for a week). But the ads and previews for the new one have left me cold. A lot of the problem is Tom Cruise. I'm not a fan and never have been, even when he was sane (or at least quiet). There's nothing about his acting abilities, such as they are, that has ever impressed or enticed me. If the aliens got him, well, maybe I'd go see it. But no. I'm sure some supporting HItG!s who I might actually like die instead, and Tom and his shiny, shiny teeth and his "adorable" daughter live not-disintegratedly ever after, wiser and tougher for their experience (despite the fact that they have now moved from an Alien Invasion flick to a Post-Apocalypse one, and that rarely goes well). Meh. No thanks.
Still, there's one tagline for WotW that's been driving me nuts. I feel so geeky, but hey. It bugs me. Anyway, blah blah commercial blah blah kaboom! blah blah "look right, Tom! Now... look left! Good boy!" blah blah blah, and then we get the tagline: "We always thought they would come in peace. We were wrong." Wait, what? What's with the "always" stuff? Is Spielberg hoping that the audience has never seen another science fiction flick? I'm not going to sit down and count or anything (not that geeky, thanks), but I can think of a lot more "aiiieeee, aliens!" movies than "ahhhh, aliens," ones. Think about it. We've been invaded by Mars and by body snatchers, discovered (messily) a Thing from another world, faced down the Saucer Men, seen the signs, lost and gained our Independence Day, learned that "V" doesn't necessarily mean "Victory," almost had this island Earth blown out from under us, been eaten by Blobs and Predators, found that spheres and species are less benign than they sound, been controlled by the Puppet Masters, learned where the weak spot is on the Brain from Planet Arous (the Fissure of Rolando, of course), and found that space is always ready drown us in monsters, teenagers, bloodsuckers, killer klowns and plans, 9 or otherwise. We're not even safe from hostile invasion by plants, what with Audrey and the Triffids and the meteorite moss from that ate Stephen King landing on our doorsteps. If we are gullible enough to believe the aliens' pitch about intergalactic amity and brotherhood, well, surprise! It's a cookbook! And even if the movie itself should decide that "they come in peace," there's nothing saying that the characters within said movie will agree, and won't show up with pitchforks and torches, or tanks and howitzers, or whatever. Harmless little ET was chased with rifles and police cars and those freaking terrifying clean suits (no scars here, no sir). The aliens in Contact didn't dare come visit us themselves; they sent construction plans and some duct tape, and were met with politicians, preachers and pyromaniacs. And it's a good thing Helen Benson had better luck remembering "Klaatu barada nikto" than Ash did, or an already hopelessly mangled peaceful mission would have ended even more abruptly for Earth.
Anyway, my point is, we haven't "always thought they would come in peace," at least not in the movies or on TV. Not even close. It's much more flashy if "they come in vast armadas with big laser cannons and a hunger for the flesh of plump babies." And it's not like the audience doesn't know that. Give us some credit, guys. What a dumb tagline.
Wow. Am I really at the point where I spend more time complaining about the ads for the current releases than I do watching the movies? That's so sad.
I am watching Empire, at least. It ties back to that "big, shiny, stupidly fun" thing I mentioned, only with no annoying crush of smelly humanity to deal with. And the gladiator dude is most attractive indeed. He should just forget about his family and his duty and the Republic, pack up the boytoy, er, Octavius, and retire to Spain. I'd watch that (not that. Well okay, that too). And at least this week the sound and the picture were in synch. Last week, not so much; the sound was about 45 seconds behind the picture for the whole two hours. Nice going, Channel 50. It pretty much wrecked any potential drama, though I still enjoyed the show. It just switched any "Beware the Ides of March!" vibe for a "General Takamoto, the creature is attacking!" one. It's not as if it could make it any more cheesy. Maybe Cassius could threaten to throw that Vestal Virgin into Mt. Etna or something, though he is sadly lacking a big black moustache to twirl. That might squeeze in a bit more cheese. Maybe. Probably not.
